Writing an Informal Letter

This week we will take a look at letter writing. Generally, students are taught to write two types of letters – formal letters and informal letters.  Informal letters are easier to write in terms of format, language and tone.  These letters are sometimes called social or friendly letters. Examples of informal letters include letters to family members and friends.  

When writing an informal letter, remember to use the right format.  There are several formats for informal letters but some of these are not accepted in the Malaysian exam system and I will not discuss them here.

 In the Malaysian school system, students are taught to:

-          include the writer’s address and date  in the upper right hand corner. The date can be written in different forms (7^th September 2009, 7 SEPTEMBER 2009 or 7.9.2009)

-          use the most common salutation (Dear John )

-          indent paragraphs

-          include a suitable complimentary close (Your loving daughter)

Do not use Regards as it is considered slightly more formal and distant.

Also, do not use Best Wishes as this is considered inappropriate. 

-          use proper punctuation

for example,  a comma should be used after the salutation and complimentary close

-          use capitalization where necessary

for example, the month of the date  (10 January 2009), the salutation (Dear Maria)

Under normal circumstances, it is perfectly acceptable to use informal language (e.g. stuff, jam-packed) and contractions (I’ll, won’t) in an informal letter, but this is usually not acceptable in the local examination system.

Let’s look at some important aspects of an informal letter.

1. 1.      Organisation

Paragraph 1 – include formalities; give reason for writing the letter

Paragraph 2 onwards – depends on the reason for writing the letter. If your reason is to tell the recipient about your holiday, then you will include details of the holiday.

The last paragraph – you can give a reason why you have to stop writing such as:

I am sorry I have to stop here because it is getting late.

I am sorry I have to stop here because …

I have to stop now because …

Or you can simply end the letter in a number of appropriate ways as shown in #3 below:

1. 1.      Some useful expressions on how to begin an informal letter

-          I was pleasantly surprised to hear from you.

-          Thank you for your letter. I was pleased to hear that you are in good health.

-          It was really nice hearing from you. I am glad that you like your new school.

-          I hope this letter finds you in the pink (of health).

-          Thank you for the lovely birthday card.

 

1. 2.      Some useful expressions on how to end an informal letter

-          I promise to write to you soon.

-          I hope you will reply soon

-          Give my best wishes to your parents.

-          I am looking forward to seeing you.

-          I look forward to hearing from you

-          Do write and tell me how you are progressing.

Sample Question

Your younger sister, who is studying in a boarding school, has written to complain that she finds the compulsory co-curricular activities very tiring.  Write a letter to her to explain the benefits of co-curricular activities.

Use the notes given below to write your letter.

-          help you become a better person

-          instil discipline

-          learn good values   – cooperation

                                                   -   respect for others

-          develop leadership skills

-          learn to organize activities

-          provide opportunities  – to develop social skills

                                                          -  to take part in competitions

-          keep you healthy

-          get a good testimonial

 

When writing your letter, remember to include the following:

-          your address

-          a proper salutation/greeting

-          a complimentary close

-          all the notes given above

 

Sample answer 1

                                                                                                     10, Jalan Minang1,     

                                                                                                      Taman Minang Sari,                                                                                                        

                                                                                                     68000 Ampang,

                                                                                                     Selangor.

                                                                                                     7^th  September 2009

Dear Lina,

                 It was lovely to hear from you.  All of us miss you very much. Mum and Dad are glad that you are slowly adjusting to life in a boarding school.

                In your letter you complained about the compulsory co-curricular activities. Well, let me tell you that you can reap many benefits through active participation in these activities. Firstly, the various co-curricular activities help you become a better person (point 1). Participation in uniformed units, clubs and societies, sports and games will help you discover your talents and develop your character.  You will become a more confident and well-rounded person. The strict rules and good behaviour  expected of you as a member of a uniformed unit will instil discipline (point 2) in you. This is important if you are to become a law-abiding citizen. 

              Besides, you will learn good values (point 3) through the various co-curricular activities. You will learn about the importance of cooperation (point 4) and respect for others (point 5). These values are very important in a multi-racial society like ours.

             You have always said that you admire great leaders like Nelson Mandela and Abraham Lincoln. Well, co-curricular activities will certainly help you to develop leadership skills (point 6). There will be ample opportunities to enable you to become a good leader. Besides learning how to plan events, you will learn to organise activities (point 7). Sometimes, you might even have to handle a challenging situation and this will teach you how to make on the spot decisions.

             More importantly, co-curricular activities provide you with many opportunities (point 8) to help you develop social skills (point 9). As you know, a person with good social skills has an edge these days. Extra-curricullar activities will also provide you with opportunities to take part in competitions (point 10) at various levels.  Schools usually select their representatives for competitions at zone, state or national level by looking at their students’ performance in school level competitions.

            These activities also keep you healthy (point 11). Who knows, you might finally shed your baby fat!  Most importantly, you will get a good testimonial (point 12) if you are active in co-curricular activities. This will definitely boost your chances when applying for a scholarship or a job.

             There is no need for you to worry that participation in these activities will affect your grades. On the contrary, it has been proven that students who are actively involved usually do well academically.

            I hope you will take the opportunities co-curricular activities provide to experience new things and discover your strengths. 

            I have to stop here. I have to study for my trial examination which is in two weeks time.  Till I hear from you, take care.

                                                                                                                               Your loving sister,

                                                                                                                                   shuhada

 

 

Sample 2

 

                                                                                                                    .

Remember when you write an informal letter:

-          Do not use slang words

-          Do not use words which are in a language other than English. This means you cannot write Dear Abah, or Dear Amma even if that is how you address your parents.

-          Do not sign off with Love and Kisses. Keep that for your personal letters

BBGS Alumni Gathering

4th August 2009 was a historic moment in the lives of all those who were in one way or another connected to BBGS. The BBGS Alumni Gathering held at the Pavillion was not just a meeting of former students but also an opportunity for them to reach out to others especially the less fortunate. The launching of the Elena Cooke Education Fund by the Old Girls’ Association has once again proved that BBGS girls’ can outdo themselves in whatever endeavour they set their hearts on. Congrats!

I realised that I had spent a good 18 years (including the three years of half-paid leave) in BBGS and SBU.  BBGS grows into you. Its vines envelop you in a tight grip so much so that its hard to shake off some of the values and traditions you learn while in its midst. No complaints though. I am what I am today because of BBGS and its denizens.

Love you now and always,  BBGS!

The Migraines of Life

I’ve had this really severe migraine for the past week. Only those who suffer from migraines know how debilitating they can be. A migraine attack makes you feel miserable and useless to say the least. It’s not what some people think it is – that it can get you some respite from work. I’d rather do the work than be weighed down by a migraine. 

A migraine attack can set you back in many ways – the things you had planned to do remain undone and they keep piling up; the things people expect you to do only serve to make the migraine worse although these people tell you to take it easy because you know that at the end of the day these things are waiting to get done. The headache never stops.

Every time I get a migraine attack I take a relook at life. I tell myself that I must learn to take things easy; that I must prioritise family first before work. Well-meaning friends tell me to learn to take it easy. But it’s easier said than done, especially if you have lived in the fast lane (of work) for the past 26 years like I have.

My neurologist once told me that all high achievers suffer from migraines and I agree with him to a certain extent .Yes, I’ve been literally working myself to death. I’ve always worked hard from day one of my teaching career. My husband laughs at me and says I have the knack of getting into schools where they work me to the bone. Being a performer is no compliment.  At the end of the day, all you get is more work, more responsibilities and more stress.  I also spent more than half my lifetime studying. I guess I studied to death trying to do well ( for self-satisfaction, not for anything else); then when bosses recognised my capabilities, I took on the responsibilities thrust my way with gusto – again to prove to myself that i could get it done.  Doing a job well somehow gives me an intoxicating kind of pleasure. But I sometimes forget that when the load on the camel’s back (yes, I sometimes see myself as a beast of burden, albeit a patient one) gets heavier, the camel tumbles. But like the camel, I’ll rise and start all over again, I know

So, work becomes one of the migraines of life. Someone once said that ‘man works for his stomach’. I suppose this is not true anymore. I know of people who do not need to work yet they push themselves every day.  Our needs have increased. We no longer have three basic needs in life (this is what we were taught during Commerce lessons). These needs have become the migraines of life.

Would you permit me? – a thought-provoking poem for all

  A muslim gentleman sent me this poem via email. It’s beautifully written and his words of wisdom can be applied to all religions.  

Nizar Kabbani 

Born: 21 March  1923 Damascus,  Syria
Died: 30 April  1998 London,  England 

  Occupation: Diplomat,  Poet,  Writer,  Publisher
Nationality: Syrian

 

 Would You Permit Me?
  
 
 نزار قباني
Nizar Kabbani
 
وتحرق الكتب، في مجتمعات ترفض الآخر، وتفرض الصمت على الافواه والحجر على الافكار، 
وتكفر اي سؤال، كان لابد ان استأذنكم ان تسمحوا لي..
In a country where thinkers are assassinated, and writers are considered infidels and books are burnt, in societies that refuse the other, and force silence on mouths and thoughts forbidden, and to question is a sin, I must beg your pardon, would you permit me?
فهل تسمحون لي
ان اربي اطفالي كما اريد، وألا تملوا علي
اهواءكم واوامركم؟
Would you permit me to bring up my children as I want, and not to dictate on me your whims and orders?

 
ان اعلم اطفالي ان الدين لله اولا، وليس
للمشايخ والفقهاء والناس؟
Would you permit me to teach my children that the religion is first to God, and not for religious leaders or scholars or people?
 ·       
هل تسمحون لي
ان اعلم صغيرتي ان الدين هو اخلاق وأدب وتهذيب
وامانة وصدق، قبل ان اعلمها بأي قدم تدخل الحمام وبأي  يد

 Would you permit me to teach my little one that religion is about good manners, good behaviour, good conduct, honesty and truthfulness, before I teach her with which foot to enter the bathroom or with which hand she should eat?
·       
هل تسمحون لي
ان اعلم ابنتي ان الله محبة، وانها تستطيع ان
تحاوره وتسأله ما تشاء، بعيدا عن تعاليم أي أحد؟
Would you permit me to teach my daughter that God is about love, and she can dialogue with Him and ask Him anything she wants, far away from the teachings of anyone?
هل تسمحون لي الا اذكر عذاب القبر لاولادي،
الذين لم يعرفوا ما هو الموت بعد؟
Would you permit me not to mention the torture of the grave to my children, who do not know about death yet?
< STRONG> ·        
هل تسمحون لي
ان اعلم ابنتي اصول الدين وادبه واخلاقه، قبل 
ان افرض عليها الحجاب؟ 

 

 

 

 

  

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

  

 

 

 

 

 

Would you permit me to teach my daughter the tenets of the religion and its culture and manners, before I force on her the ‘Hijab’ (the veil)?
·       
هل تسمحون لي
ان اقول لابني الشاب ان ايذاء الناس وتحقيرهم
لجنسيتهم ولونهم ودينهم، هو ذنب كبير عند الله؟
Would you permit me to tell my young son that hurting people and degrading them because of their nationality, colour or religion, is considered a big sin by God?
هل تسمحون لي
ان اقول لابنتي ان مراجعة دروسها والاهتمام بتعليمها
انفع واهم عند الله من حفظ آيات القرآن عن ظهر قلب دون تدبر معانيها؟
Would you permit me to tell my daughter that revising her homework and paying attention to her learning is considered by God as more useful and important than learning by heart Ayahs from the Quran without knowing their meaning?
·       
هل تسمحون لي
ان اعلم ابني ان الاقتداء بالرسول الكريم يبدأ
بنزاهته وامانته وصدقه، قبل لحيته وقصر ثوبه؟
Would you permit me to teach my son that following the footsteps of the Honourable Prophet begins with his honesty, loyalty and truthfulness, before his beard or how short his thobe (long shirt/dress) is?
 ·       
هل تسمحون لي
ان اقول ل7بنتي ان صديقتها المسيحية ليست
كافرة، والا تبكي خوفا عليها من دخول النار؟ 
Would you permit me to tell my daughter that her Christian friend is not an infidel, and ask her not to cry fearing her friend will go to Hell?
 ·        
 
ان اجاهر، ان الله لم يوكل احدا في الارض بعد الرسول لان يتحدث باسمه
ولم يخول احدا بمنح ‘صكوك الغفران‘ للناس؟
Would you permit me to argue, that God did not authorize anyone on earth after the Prophet to speak in his name nor did he vest any powers in anyone to issue ‘deeds of forgiveness’ to people?
 ·       
هل تسمحون لي
ان اقول، ان الله حرم قتل النفس البشرية، وان
من قتل نفسا بغير حق كأنما قتل الناس جميعا، وانه لا يحق لمسلم ان يروع مسلما؟ 
Would you permit me to say, that God has forbidden killing the human spirit, and who kills wrongly a human being is as if he killed all human kind, and no Moslem has the right to frighten another Moslem?
 ·       
هل تسمحون لي
ان اعلم اولادي ان الله اكبر واعدل وارحم من
كل فقهاء الارض مجتمعين؟ وان مقاييسه تختلف عن مقاييس المتاجرين بالدين، وان
حساباته أحن وارحم؟
Would you permit me to teach my children that God is greater, more just, and more merciful than all the (religious) scholars on earth combined? And that his standards are different from the standards of those trading the religion, and that his accountability is kinder and more merciful?
هل تسمحون لي
Would you permit me?
 
نزار قباني
Nizar Kabbani   

 

 

 

Nizar Qabbani 

 

 

 

 

What is Life?

This often-asked question pops up in my mind during the most trying times.  And this point in time is one of those times. Yes, there have been many ocassions when I have asked myself  ’what is life?’  Of course when you are younger, the question yields different answers. But at this point in life I ask myself – who do I live life for? who controls my life?   where is it supposed to lead me?

I thought I had control of my life. But looks like I was wrong. There are other forces out there which define the boundaries of my life. Many of us are so caught up with our work (mind you, I didn’t say careers) that it becomes one big force which controls everything you think you owned – your time, your thoughts, basically your whole life.

Why does it happen? Why do we allow ourselves to be caught up in this messy web from which there is no escape? Of course, some people say that it’s up to you to define the line where work stops and life starts. I wish the delineation was that clear. It’s not that simple, mind you. You can’t remove the cobwebs (of work) from your mind. You can’t tell your mind, “Hey, stop thinking! stop working!” Its not easy especially if work occupies your mind from 6.00 a.m. to 9.00 p.m.

You can’t sweep the cobwebs out. You can’t vacuum them out either. Any suggestions?

Sample answer – for weak students

Sample answer 2 below is for linguistically limited students. As stated earlier, weak students can be helped to cope with the Directed Writing task. Teachers can help them get marks for content by giving them ample practice in writing simple structures.

A very good morning to the principal of SMK Seberang Baki, teachers and fellow students. Today I am going to give a speech on the causes of stress among students. I am also going to offer you some suggestions on how to overcome this problem.     One of the causes of stress is the long hours spent at school. Many students spend between 6 – 8 hours at school. Another cause of stress is  too much homework. Many students complain that they cannot finish their homework. Students also complain that  too many projects  give them stress. They have projects for almost every subject. Some projects take up a lot of their time. Frequent exams also cause stress. Nowadays, students have to sit for monthly tests, diagnostic exams and trial exams. Many students do not have enough time to study for these exams.      Parents also give their children stress. This is because many parents have high expectations of their children.  They force their children to go for tuition classes. Some students feel very tired and they cannot concentrate on these lessons. They feel stressed when they have to attend tuition.  Finally,  lack of sleep causes stress. Students become angry and easily irritated when they do not get enough sleep.      To overcome stress you must have a positive outlook. You should plan a timetable to help you manage your time.  You must allocate time for homework, tuition, projects and revision.  You should also study consistently. You should never study at the eleventh hour.  You should aim for manageable goals. Finally, you should exercise regularly. Remember, you must not let stress ruin your life. Thank you.

Sample question and answer – speech

Let’s take a look at a sample question.

Many students in your school complain that they are stressed. As the President of the Health Club in your school, you have been asked to give a speech during assembly. You have made a list of the reasons given by these students and you would like to give them some suggestions on how to cope with their problem.

Use the following notes to write your speech.

• Causes

-          long hours spent at school

-          too much homework

-          too many projects

-          frequent exams

-          tuition classes

-          high expectations from parents

-          lack of sleep

• Suggestions

-          have a positive outlook

-          plan a timetable

-          study consistently

-          have manageable goals

-          exercise regularly

When writing out your speech, you should remember to:

• address your audience
• state the purpose of the speech
• use  all the points given
• end your speech appropriately

Before you start writing, ask yourself these questions:

• what am I required to do?
• what is my role?
• who is my audience?
• how many points have been provided? Do I need to give any point of my own?

This task requires you to write a speech in your capacity as the President of the Health Club. You have been asked to address the students during assembly. This means that your audience includes teachers and students. As such, make sure your tone is formal and polite. A total of twelve points have been provided which means that twelve marks are for content and three marks for format. The marks for format are allocated as follows: 1mark for addressing the audience, 1 mark for stating the purpose of your talk and 1 mark for ending the speech appropriately.  

Sample Answer 1 – Sample of a good answer – for a linguistically competent student

     A very good morning to Pn Leela, the principal of SMK Seberang Baki, senior assistants, teachers and fellow students. I stand here today, in my capacity as the president of the Health Club, to give a speech on the causes of stress among students and to offer you some suggestions on how to overcome this problem.

     Friends, many of you have cited the long hours spent at school as one of the causes of stress. As students of a single session school, we spend longer hours at school compared to students in a double session school. On most days, we only finish at 2.30 p.m. unlike other schools which dismiss their students at 1.10p.m. Besides, some of you have complained that too much homework gives you stress.  In addition to daily homework, you now have to cope with weekend homework, which was introduced at the beginning of this year.

   Some of you have also mentioned that you are stressed because you are burdened with too many projects, all of which are compulsory. Worse still, most of these projects are due around the same time. The frequent exams are also one factor that cause stress, especially among students in exam classes. Besides the monthly tests and term examinations, many of you also have to sit for several trial examinations. The endless homework and numerous projects leave you with very little time to study for these exams.

     Friends, in this competitive age, many parents have high expectations of their children and so most students attend tuition classes in their quest to do well, if not better than their rivals and this, results in stress. Many students say that they have to stay up late to finish their homework and to revise their lessons. As a result, the lack of sleep not only reduces their efficiency levels but also adds to their stress levels. 

      I would now like to share with you some suggestions on how to overcome the stress caused by the above problems.  Firstly, you need to have a positive outlook. You should consider the plus points of the long hours spent at school and the benefits of homework.  Remember, you are at an advantage if you are in a single session school as you spend more time learning and homework helps to reinforce all that you have learnt. Secondly, you should plan a timetable to help you manage your time better so that you have ample time for all activities. You should allocate time for homework, tuition, projects and revision.  Besides, you could try to complete your homework in school whenever you have a free period or when a teacher is slightly delayed. Thirdly, you should study consistently so that you are well prepared for any exam. You should never study at the eleventh hour as you would not be able to cope with all that you have to study. Fourthly, you should aim for manageable goals. It is better to accomplish something small than to be disappointed for failing to achieve or accomplish something which is too ambitious. As the saying goes, “take baby steps.”  Finally, regular exercise can help you overcome stress. According to scientists, any physical activity that gets your heart pumping will result in the release of endorphins which help relieve stress.

     Remember, you must learn to overcome stress before it overpowers you. Thank you.

General Guidelines for Directed Writing

The focus of the SPM 1119 paper, which is the English Language paper, is mainly on the reading and writing skills. Paper 1 tests candidates on their writing skills while Paper 2 deals, for the most part, with the reading skills.

 We’ll begin this series with the more difficult writing skill as it carries a significant portion of the marks for the whole paper. This paper consists of two compulsory questions:  Directed Writing and Continuous Writing.

The Directed Writing question carries a total of 35 marks – 15 marks for content and 20 marks for language. The marks for format, which can vary between 1-3 marks depending on the text type, are included in the 15 marks allocated for content. In this section, candidates are given only one question. This means that candidates do not have the luxury of choice which they are given in the Continuous Writing section.

 Most candidates find this question quite manageable. In fact, even weak candidates can be taught to cope with this question to a certain extent. Several factors make this question quite doable. Firstly, candidates are given help with content. This means candidates do not have to worry about what to write as content points are provided.  It is not difficult to score full marks for content.  In fact, candidates can score full marks for content if they are able to use the information given in grammatically sound sentences, irrespective of the sentence type or length.  It is also easy to get marks for format if they have been exposed to the formats of different text types.  Secondly, this question does not demand much linguistically unlike the continuous writing question. Most candidates are able to cope with this question, even if they are linguistically limited.  Thirdly, the question is usually set around the experiences of students. Hence, there is no reason for candidates not to attempt this question.

Over the years, teachers and students have become quite adept at predicting the type of question that might appear. Still, I would suggest that you familiarise yourself with the different text types. Below is an analysis of the questions which have appeared over the past few years:

Year	Text type	Purpose
2000	letter (informal)	To inform mother of choice of present for your brother and persuade mother to lend you some money
2001	Article	To inform students on ways of coping with stress
2002	Speech	To inform  students about road safety – causes of road accidents and suggestions to reduce them
2003	letter (formal)	To inform the class teacher about the choice of class trip
2004	Report	To inform the school principal about the conditions of the school canteen
2005	letter (informal)	To inform a friend about a holiday camp
2006	letter (informal)	To convince a friend to run for the post of head prefect
2007	Speech	To tell students about a science reference book
2008	Article	To inform students about a friend who has been chosen as the Best Group Leader

General Guidelines for Directed Writing

• Read the question carefully. Identify your task, your role and your audience.
• Use the 45 minutes allocated for this question wisely.
• Plan your essay and organize your thoughts (this includes what to write and how to elaborate on points)
• Include an introduction and a conclusion and make sure your paragraphs are well organized.
• Use all content points given. It is advisable to cross out the points you have used, so that no point is left out.
• Include points of your own only if you are asked to. Otherwise, do not waste precious time doing so because you will not get any extra marks.
• Elaborate on the points given. Write 2-3 sentences to elaborate on each point. Remember a crucial aspect of this paper is language and your ability to write can only be tested if you provide sufficient language for the examiner to gauge your linguistic ability.   
• Use a variety of sentence structures so that your essay is not dull and monotonous.
• Always read through what you have written. Correct grammatical, spelling and punctuation errors.

 Common pitfalls

• Poor time management. Do not spend more than the allocated 45 minutes on this question. Otherwise you will not have enough time for the second question.
• Lengthy essays. Do not write too much. As mentioned earlier, this question does not make many demands on a candidate. Directed writing is a succinct piece of writing. All you have to do is use the given points and provide a sentence or two (maybe three) to elaborate on them. A response of  1 ½ – 2 pages is more than sufficient. After all, the more you write the more mistakes you might make. Some candidates make the mistake of writing one paragraph for each point.  If you do this, your essay is going to be very lengthy. Save the time and energy for Continuous writing.
• Usage of Informal language. This paper tests your written English. Do not use spoken language. Avoid using slang words (such as guys, …..), contractions, and informal language (such as informal idiomatic expressions or informal phrasal verbs).
• Poor punctuation. Some candidates do not punctuate their sentences correctly. Make sure you end your sentence with a full stop and not a comma. Also, make sure that the pronoun I is written in upper case and not lower case (i) as is the practice among some candidates.

Writing a Narrative Essay

Narrative essays are a favourite among students as it is easier to handle. This type of essay enables the writer to use and share his/her experiences with the reader.

 

Guidelines to remember when writing a narrative essay

• You have to decide whether to write your essay from your own perspective or someone else’s. The first person or third person singular is the most popular voice. If you choose to write from your own perspective then use the first person singular i.e. I. If you choose to write from someone else’s perspective use third person pronouns (he, she, it). Be consistent in your choice of pronouns. Do not switch perspectives mid-way through the essay.
• Engage your reader. Make the story real for him. Make him involved in your experience.
• Bring your characters to life. Make them real. Make them memorable. It is always more interesting to read about flawed characters.
• Have a simple plot. You will be better off using the chronological order. Flashbacks are a wonderful device where you merge the past with the present. But be careful. Only engage in this if you can carry it off.
• Use only the simple past tense if you cannot handle the past perfect tense.
• Use verbs and adjectives to enable your reader to see in his mind’s eye.
• You may use dialogue, but use it sparingly and effectively. Remember you are writing a narrative not a script.
• Avoid using informal language.
• Avoid using clichés.

 

 

 

Sample Essay

 

Write a story ending with “I never saw her again after that”

 

The gaunt figure that inched its way slowly towards the medicine counter looked old and haggard.  Her dreary looking outfit did nothing to conceal her bleak and depressing demeanour. Anyone who looked at her would have thought she carried the world’s burden on her shoulders. Quietly, she sat on one of the chairs and waited patiently, like the rest of us, for her number to be flashed on the digital screen. 

 

I was rattled. I knew I had seen her somewhere before – a younger, happier version. There was no way I could be wrong. Like an arrow released from its bow, the buried and forgotten memories pierced my heart with an unknown intensity. It had to be Mary Anne, my best friend in secondary school. Then again, this person looked old, much too old to be twenty-nine. Anyway, I summoned enough courage and went towards her. Hearing my footsteps, she looked up slowly. The flash of recognition in her eyes told me I was not wrong.

 

“It is you, Mary Anne Danker, is it not?”

 

She nodded her head silently as if embarrassed.

 

“Hello, John? You are looking good.”

 

Her remarks reminded me of how beautiful she had been once. Mary Anne had been the school beauty. Everyone had admired her for her looks, her brains and her beautiful character. Many had said, rather enviously, that God had worked overtime with her – making her one of his best masterpieces.

 

One day, Mary Anne had stopped coming to school. Devastated, I had gone to her house, only to find it all locked up. Checks with neighbours proved futile. No one knew where the Danker family had gone and why they had left so suddenly.

 

Taking a seat next to her, I wondered what had happened to the ravishing beauty I had once known.

 

“Why did you leave so suddenly, Mary Anne? Why?” 

 

She looked at me nervously while clasping and unclasping her hands in her lap. I could sense that she was rather reluctant to talk, reluctant to expose a part of her life which had probably caused her a great deal of pain and suffering. A prolonged silence ensued. Finally, she inhaled deeply and started telling me her story.

 

Her mother had been diagnosed with end-stage cancer and there was nothing the doctors could do. They said that she had only three months to live. Her father thought it best to return to their hometown, to let her live in peace in the surroundings she had grown up in. Her father, devastated by his wife’s death, started to neglect his own health and three months later, he too died of a broken heart, leaving Mary Anne in the care of relatives.

 

Tears rolled down Mary Anne’s cheeks as she related the difficult years with her aunt. The old widow treated her badly, forcing Mary Anne to quit school and to work as a dishwasher in a restaurant. The cruel old lady often beat her, and her cousins jealous of her beauty were more vicious than their mother.   

 

Now that the aunt was old and suffering from cancer, her five children had deserted her when they realised that she needed taking care of. Despite her aunt’s ghastly treatment of her, Mary Anne felt sorry for the pitiable state her aunt was in.

 

“I cannot leave her. She has no one else,” she said. “I have promised to take care of her till the end of her life.”

 

I looked at Mary Anne and saw her goodness. Instead of seeing a gaunt and weary figure, I saw an amazingly beautiful human being. My heart went out to her.

 

Just then her number was flashed on the screen. She got up, and collected the medicine, which I understood, was for her aunt. Never had I felt so helpless and wretched. Her story reminded me of something my late grandfather often used to say, “Life is like an onion: You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.”

 

Before leaving, she turned and smiled sadly at me. I never saw her again after that.

 

 

694 words

Let us first analyse the elements of the above story.

Simple plot

-          story revolves around Mary Anne, the main character, who leaves town when her mother is diagnosed with cancer. Both parents die and she is subjected to cruelty by her aunt

-          a chance encounter at a pharmacy reveals this to the narrator

Setting

-          most likely a pharmacy/clinic

-          a past event (no specific time mentioned0

Important characters

-          Mary Anne

-          narrator

-          the aunt

 

Let us take a look at how the above essay seeks to engage the reader.

 

 

Vivid portrayal of the character through the use of verbs, adjectives and adverbs

The gaunt figure that inched its way slowly towards the medicine counter looked old and haggard.  Her dreary looking outfit did nothing to conceal her bleak and depressing demeanour.

Quietly, she sat on one of the chairs and waited patiently, like the rest of us, for her number to be flashed on the digital screen

 Vivid reminder of what character had been like before

Mary Anne had been the school beauty. Everyone had admired her for her looks, her brains and her beautiful character

Focus shifts from loss of external beauty to internal beauty

Narrator sees her loss of physical beauty at first.

I wondered what had happened to the ravishing beauty I had once known.

Then again, this person looked old, much too old to be twenty-nine

Narrator’s realisation that she is still beautiful – on the inside

I looked at Mary Anne and saw her goodness. Instead of seeing a gaunt and weary figure, I saw an amazingly beautiful human being

 

Narrator’s thoughts and feelings

Anyone who looked at her would have thought she carried the world’s burden on her shoulders.

I was rattled.

I looked at Mary Anne and saw her goodness. Instead of seeing a gaunt and weary figure, I saw an amazingly beautiful human being. My heart went out to her, wrenched out of its seat of comfort.

 

 

 

Effective use of simple past tense and past perfect tense;

(Provides a shift in focus between the events at the pharmacy and the events before the chance encounter)

 

Her remarks reminded me of how beautiful she had been once. Mary Anne had been the school beauty. Everyone had admired her for her looks, her brains and her beautiful character. Many had said, rather enviously, that God had worked overtime with her – making her one of his best masterpieces

 

Touch of humour:

Many had said, rather enviously, that God had worked overtime with her – making her one of his best masterpieces.

 

Choice of words:

- precise/apt –  pitiable, wrenched,

- not repetitive, e.g. ‘treated her badly’, “ghastly treatment’

Inclusion of dialogue:

- gives voice to the narrator and Mary Anne

- breaks monotony of narration

Use of a variety of sentence structures

I was rattled (simple sentence)

Her mother had been diagnosed with end-stage cancer and there was nothing the doctors could do (compound sentence)

Now that the aunt was old and suffering from cancer, her five children had deserted her when they realised that she needed taking care of. (complex sentence)

Use of repetitive sentence structure for emphasis:

“Why did you leave so suddenly, Mary Anne? Why?” 

 

Unexpected ending

Mary Anne decides not to desert her horrible aunt in her time of need. The beauty of her character shines through.

 

Sometimes you can use a similar story and manipulate it to suit another topic. Why don’t you try to manipulate the above sample essay to suit the topic ‘Beauty’

General Guidelines for Continuous Writing

 

• Read and consider all the questions given.  Some students make the mistake of selecting  the first question that they read or a question which they think is manageable, only to realize, much later, that they could have handled another question with much more ease.
• Choose a topic you are familiar or comfortable with. Select a topic which is within your experience as you will not have to grapple much with content.
• Opt for a topic which is within your linguistic ability. Do not select a topic just because you think it is challenging. This is not the time for experimentation. As for weak students, it is always advisable to write a narrative.
• Plan your essay – the outline/organisation, points/ideas/thoughts, and supporting points (if you are writing an argumentative or factual essay).
• Write out your essay in neat and legible handwriting. There is nothing more annoying than small or untidy handwriting, or a combination of both as the reader has to spend valuable time deciphering what you have written.
• Write in paragraphs. You may leave a line between paragraphs as it is easy on the examiner’s eye.  
• Edit and revise language if necessary – allocate 10 minutes for this and make sure spelling and punctuation are accurate.